After The Storm
by flavored-band-aids
Summary: That imaginary life in his head that existed of a home: One where the missions consisted of mowing the grass in the front yard, of building model-ships in spare time, of drinking on the front porch next to Garrus as they reminisced back on the real good-old-days, and of making love to the young Quarian he'd fallen hard for; but first the Reapers needed to go. Destroy ending.


**Before you read:** Play 'After the Storm' by Mumford and Sons on repeat. It helps set the mood and you'll understand why I have random italic song lyric chunks in the middle of the fic. Got it? Good. :]

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mumford and Sons or any of their songs. Credits go to the band and their record label. I also do not own Bioware, EA, Mass Effect, or any of their characters. If I did I would be extremely happy and would probably pass out from hyperventilating.**

* * *

**After The Storm Pt. 1**

_And after the storm,__  
__I run and run as the rains come__  
__And I look up, I look up,__  
__on my knees and out of luck,__  
__I look up._

" Commander?" Anderson muttered with a strained breath.

" We did it Sir."

" Yes we did."

" We both did."

" It's quiet a view."

" Best seats in the house." John coughed out as he finally came to a rest besides Anderson. Every muscle immediately started to relax, the adrenaline that was pumping through his veins wearing out from lack of constant danger. Slowly he sighed and rested his head down until his chin touched the charred remains of armor that were melted onto his chest.

" God… It feels like years since I just sat down."

Damn he agreed. Full heartedly. He couldn't help but wonder momentarily, couldn't help but look back on the events of his life. He'd been running his entire life, been on a strict survival schedule since his childhood. From surviving the streets on earth, gang wars, starvation, to the military where he nearly sacrificed his life to save his fellow soldiers- no his fellow _brothers_ during an overwhelming attack by Batarian slavers on Elysium, to the collectors- who had managed to succeed in both killing and pissing him off even further, to the final Reaper invasion on the galaxy. That's when he realized this was the first time he ever sat down in his life. As a smile formed on his lips as sputter his reply, " I think you earned a rest."

" Hmmm….you ever wonder… how things would have been different? How our lives would be…different…if this hadn't happened? I've never had a family Shepard, never had children."

" There will be time enough for that now."

"I….I think that ship has sailed. What about you….Ever think about settling down?"

No. No the thought didn't even cross his mind until…until he met her, but was that even possible now? She'd been broken, battered, and bleeding profusely with multiple suit ruptures when he last saw her. Her exposure time was brief- minutes at most- though, and she had built up a strong immunity to him at least due to their rare- then growing frequent-intimate moments. Was that enough to keep her alive to see another day though?

Then came the fact of himself. Would he do well in a mundane life? A life where no gun-fire, constant threats, and death looming around every corner didn't exist? He doubted if he even had the ability to shed his in-grained survival techniques he had grown to rely on through the years. God he'd probably have the worst case of PTSD, paranoia, and Survivor's Guilt ever recorded if he tried to transition into civilian life…but that didn't mean that he didn't _**want**_ that life. That imaginary life in his head that existed of a home: One where the missions consisted of mowing the grass in the front yard, of building model-ships in spare time, of drinking on the front porch next to Garrus as they reminisced back on the _real_ good-old-days (the ones where everyone was alive and smiling), and…of making love to the young Quarian he'd fallen hard for, of making Tali happy." I'm a solider Anderson. Like you. Not really fit for doing anything else."

" Sure you would."

" yeah…I like the sound of that. I'm not sure I'd be much good at it though." He finally admitted as his brain took the soreness in his side to account. His hand drifted up and pressed, making his face twist for a moment in pain. Anderson took no notice to the other's discomfort. He was too much in a haze himself to even acknowledge anything but the point he was trying to make right now.

" I don't know, Shepard….I think you'd make a great dad."

"Uh-huh."

"Think how proud your kids would be…telling everyone…their dad….is Commander Shepard." A soft smile found its way back onto John's lips as he shut his eyes. God now Anderson had planted that idea into his brain, added it into his imaginary life he wished he could have; A home, his best friend, Tali, and… a daughter. He blinked his eyes open, confirming it to himself. Yes….a daughter. One he could spoil, love, and protect.

" I don't know about that. Not everything I've done is something to be proud of."

" You did good son…..you did good…..I'm…proud of you."

Proud of him? John couldn't find words for a long moment. This wasn't the first time he heard someone say they were proud of him, but it was the first time he heard it in such a parental heart-felt way. It meant so much to him, he comprehended; Anderson was the closest father figure he'd ever grown to known.

" Thank you sir." Glancing over at the man, he was about to continue when he noticed the adult had his chin resting on his chest and his eyes were closed. "Anderson?" he urged then a bit louder trying to get the other to respond in any shape or form. " Stay with me. We're almost through this." There was no anticipation; no sudden breath of life, Anderson was already long gone, leaving him all alone.

The pain in his abdomen made itself known once again. With a small grunt Shepard finally willed his hand to move so he could get a good look at the open wound. Gun-shot? When did that get there? Then Shepard noticed how much blood was actually on his left hand. Ah…that was why his sight was starting to blur around the edges; Blood-loss. With a grunt he pressed back on the wound and lobbed his head back. He wasn't going to make it.

Was this how he was to die? The great Commander Shepard dies from blood-loss, not an explosion of justice, nor ablaze in gun-fire, but blood-loss. He should have been mad, he was better than this. Yet at the same time he found himself not caring. This was much more peaceful then explosions and gun-fire. John slowly closed his eyes and brought up his imaginary future. If he was going to die, well…he wasn't going to die with Reapers in view, or alone- no. He was going to die with loved ones.

He was going to die with the vision of a future on Rannoch.

_Night has always pushed up day__  
__You must know life to see decay__  
__But I won't rot, I won't rot__  
__Not this mind and not this heart,__  
__I won't rot.__  
_

" Shepard? Commander!"

Hackett's voice snapped him out of his vision. God, even in the last moments of his death they wanted more from him. He wanted to be selfish, wanted to tell Hackett to shove it and- " I-…what do you need me to do?" He finally sighed out.

"Nothing's happening. The Crucible's not firing. It's gotta be something on your end."

Shepard's eyes opened back up now. What? No. It had to fire…..no…it had to _be _fired. Of course it did. Nothing could be easy for him. Taking in a breath, John once again found some strength in his broken body and forced himself to move. At first he started to rise, he gained some footing, only to have it crumble seconds later. With a wheeze of pain he glared up at the control panel. His body was protesting, screaming for the man to give into his final moments and die in peace, but no he wouldn't let it. Fuck legs, fuck walking- he would crawl if he had too, drag himself by his arms to the control panel if he must, because if he didn't….no one else would….and the Reapers would win. It had to be him. It always had to be him from the beginning.

And so he crawled, reopening wounds, draining more of his blood and energy out of him as he forced himself to that damned panel.

" Commander Shepard!"

His vision blurred. Soon his left hand abandoned his side and was pawing at air, trying to reach that panel that was so tauntingly close. John shook his head slightly, trying to clear his head, his vision, something so he could complete this task. It did nothing for him.

" I don't see it…." He admitted finally," I'm not sure how to…." His right arm buckled with exhaustion as he finally passed out. As he drifted off into a weight-less abyss he could hear Hackett demanding his name over com.

"Commander!"

_And I took you by the hand__  
__And we stood tall,__  
__And remembered our own land,__  
__What we lived for._

" Shepard-Commander. You must get up."

_Legion?_

" Skipper…get up."

_Ash you're here too?_

" We all are Commander."

_Thane?_

" Commander Shepard you must get up. Must finish this. Has to be you. Someone else…might get it wrong."

_Mordin…_

" Wake up son. You've gotta finish this. Wake up."

…_Anderson._

_And now I cling to what I knew__  
__I saw exactly what was true__  
__But oh no more.__  
__That's why I hold,__  
__That's why I hold with all I have.__  
__That's why I hold.__  
_

" Wake up."

God he felt heavy. It was the heaviest he could remember being. John pushed against the floor then, trying to lift his upper body and look at who was talking to him. He was only greeted by a hologram of that child; that child who ran through his dreams and burned alive whenever he came near him, the same child that caused him nightmares every single night since he first witnessed the boy's death in Vancouver.

The brunette waited a moment before he tried to stand once again. He managed to stagger to his feet this time, snatching up the pistol that was lying next to him quickly, only to be reminded once more of the open wound on his abdomen. Grimacing, he pressed his left hand back on the aching spot, trying to soothe it back down with pressure." Where….Where am I?"

" The Citadel. It's my home." The boy replied monotonely as he took a few steps back, then turned walking down the metal walkway leaving Shepard to stare around the room. He noticed how the walkway continued straight towards an illuminated green beam. Near the end, two ramps split off from the main pathway leading to two of the machines that 'held' the beam. The path on the right was dimly lit in red, while the other machine to the left was enlightened with a cold cobalt blue. Blinking once, John's eyes drifted back onto the hologram," Who are you?"

The child stopped and turned to look back at John before replying," I am the Catalyst."

The brunette's mouth fell open slightly. Shepard stood there for a moment, gaping like a fish before he actually managed to form words." I thought the Citadel was the Catalyst."

" No the Citadel is a part of me."

" I need to stop the reapers. Do you know how I can do that?"

" Perhaps. I control the Reapers. They are my solution." The Child started walking down the pathway once more, leaving Shepard to confusedly limp slowly behind him.

" Solution? To what?"

"Chaos. The created will always rebel against their creators, but we found a way to stop that from happening, a way to restore order."

"By wiping out organic life?" Shepard pressed angrily now. How could Reapers be a solution to chaos when they themselves spread chaos? No the Reapers were no such solution in Shepard's mind. If anything they were the physical beings of Armageddon.

"No, we harvest advanced civilizations leaving the younger ones alone. Just as we left your people alive the last time we were here."

"but you killed the rest."

" We helped them ascend. So they can make way for new life, storing the old life in Reaper form." The child corrected John quick and sternly as he came to a halt. The child's…no- the Catalyst's gaze then drifted to look out as one of the large Reaper ships floated by throat the debris of what was once an Alliance frigate.

" I think we'd rather keep our own form."

" No you can't." The child stared up at the Commander as he continued," Without us to stop it, synthetics will destroy all organics. We've created the cycle so that never happens. That's the solution."

John smiled and shook his head. Did this child know how contradicting it sounded? Never the less he over-viewed it for now as he stood by the boy, gazing at the beam. After a few silent moments another inquiry formed in his mind. " You said you're the Catalyst. So…what are you?"

" A construct. An intelligence designed eons ago to solve a problem. I was created to bring a balance; to be the Catalyst for peace between the organics and the synthetics."

" So you're just an AI." John determined. Oh how the child continued to contradict himself even more.

" In as much as you are just an animal, I embody the collective intelligence of all Reapers."

Shepard shifted his weight off his mangled right leg to the left one, leaving him half hunching as he spoke with a smile." But you _were created_." He hinted out the flaw to the Catalyst once again. Apparently it didn't commute because the child only gave a simple nod and reply.

" Correct."

" By who?"

" By ones who recognized that conflict would always arise between synthetics and organics. I was first created to oversee the relations between synthetic and organic life; to establish the connection, but our efforts always ended in conflict. So a new solution was required."

" The Reapers?"

" Precisely."

John tried to straighten himself up then, but once again the throbbing in his abdomen made itself known, so he crumpled himself back down into his visually awkward leaning hunch his body was starting to favor due to the lack of pain in harbored. " But you're taking away our future. Without our future we have no hope." The brunette protested," Without hope… we might as well be machines programmed to do what we we're told."

" You have hope. More than you think." The Catalyst raised a brow. Seeing that Shepard couldn't connect the dots, he continued," The fact that you are standing here, the first organic ever, proves it…but it also proves my solution won't work anymore."

Shepard couldn't help but be a bit smug now. Good, the Reapers where a 'solution' that no species deserved." So now what?"

" We find a new solution." The Catalyst concluded as if it was a simple feat.

" Why are you telling me all of this? Why help me?"

" You have altered the variables."

" What do you mean?"

The Catalyst turned then, facing towards the three pathways that now laid before them both." The Crucible changed me, created new…possibilities. But I can't make them happen. If there is to be a new solution-" the Crucible paused to create emphasis on what he was about to say," –_you_ must act. " The hologram then pointed over at the area of machinery to the right that was hued in red." It is now in your power to destroy us, but be warned: others will be destroyed as well. The Crucible will not discriminate. All synthetics will be targeted. Even you are partly synthetic…"

" But the Reapers will be destroyed?"

" Yes, but the peace won't last. Soon your children will create synthetics, and then the chaos will come back." John nodded slightly as he thought of the cost of that choice. The Reapers would be completely destroyed…but at the sacrifice of the Geth. With the sacrifice of the Geth he would- in return- be sacrificing what was left of Legion. Not to mention EDI. God, EDI; the unshackled AI that had been truly 'born' through the events of this war." There has to be another way…"

" There is." The Catalyst then gestured to the far left, to the machinery illuminated in cobalt blue." You could instead use the energy of the Crucible to seize control of the Reapers."

With a small snort John gazed over to the left," So..the Illusive Man was right after all."

" Yes, but he could never have taken control…because we already controlled him."

" But I can..."

" You will die. You will control us, but you will lose everything you have."

What did he have left anyways? What did he have left for sure? An imaginary future that he was hopelessly clinging onto? " But the Reapers will obey me?"

" Yes." The child hologram confirmed." We will be yours to control and direct as you see fit." Silence fell between the two as John gazed at both choices. Both hard choices that would sacrifice something or other.

" There is….another solution." The child hesitated slightly." Synthesis." He gazed at the beam directly ahead of them for a moment." Add your energy to the Crucible's. The chain reaction will combined all synthetic and organic life into a new frame-work. A new….DNA."

" I…I don't know." Shepard muttered slightly as his eyes looked down at the metal beneath his feet.

" Why not?" The urgency in the program's voice caught him off guard." Synthetics are already part of you. Can you imagine your life without them?"

No. Honestly he couldn't really imagine his life without Synthetics since Cerberus rebuilt him, but would that mean he would force the choice of Synthesis on everyone else in the galaxy? " And there will be peace?"

" The cycle will end, the Reapers will cease their harvest, and the civilizations preserved in their forms will be connected to all of us. Synthesis is the final evolution of all life. The paths are open now….but _you_ have to choose." The child then held his hands behind his back, leaving Shepard in silence and in a dilemma.

_And I will die alone__  
__and be left there.__  
__Well I guess I'll just go home,__  
__Oh God knows where.__  
__because death is just so full__  
__and man so small.__  
__Well I'm scared of what's behind__  
__and what's before.__  
_

Slowly Shepard started to limp down the walkway towards the splitting paths, hoping the action would help him choose this galaxy altering decision. Immediately John came to his first conclusion- no Synthesis. He would not force a choice that affected the entire galaxy's DNA like that. That left him with two choices left: Control or destroy. The man could control the Reapers; would be sacrificing his life in the process, but he could control them to do his bidding. He could command them to protect the organic populations and use their massive forces and gathered knowledge to aid in rebuilding what they had destroyed. But what if some species came along with another Crucible and decided to do the same thing? To take control of the Reapers and make them do their bidding. What if they used the Reapers for destruction once again?

No. That would not happen either. He would not allow it.

John's eyes lifted up then, that left only one choice, his footsteps carrying him towards the machinery illuminated in red. He raised his head a bit higher then as he hoisted the pistol up in his right hand. Shakily aiming, he shot at the only weak spot he could find amongst the machinery: a glass covering. The glass immediately splintered from the impact of the bullet, the shot ringing out clearly in the rather empty enormous room.

John staggered as the pistol kicked back, but that didn't stop him. He took a few more steps, forcing himself to straighten more and more, ignoring the pain that was wracking through him as he left his comforting slouchy position he'd been previously babying his body with. If he was going to make this decision to destroy all Synthetics, then he would at least stand straight and look it in the eye. It was the least he could give the Geth. It was the least he could give Legion. It was the least he could give EDI. It was the least he could do as he surrendered their lives. Soon the glass shattered away to expose the venerable wires that lied beneath. Shepard fired again.

God would Anderson be proud of him.

His left hand drifted up to steady the pistol as he continued to shoot.

God he hoped EDI understood why he made this choice and how it wasn't easy.

He flinched away slightly as the machine started to react from each one of his sure-shots, catching fire and angrily trying to fight back by exploding out, but that did not stop Shepard from taking determined steps forward in order to get a better _final_ shot. That decisive shot that would make everyone proud of him. That ultimate shot that would end this Reaper War. That concluding shot…that would create peace for his few remaining friends and lover.

In his determination, he didn't notice the few tears that had welded up and escaped; running down his bruised face. The machine then gave way suddenly, collapsing in on itself in defeat. It would not go down without a final cry though and in an effort it quickly turned into a fiery explosion that engulfed Shepard whole.

The room stared to shake then.

The Crucible was powering up.

Then…it fired.

* * *

**Author's Note: Part two will come out sometime this week. I will have the official closing author note and explanations then.**


End file.
